"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.- William James "

Monday, August 19, 2013

Strong bonding with grandparents eases depression




A new study has claimed that grandparents and grandchildren's strong relationship has significant effects on well being of both, long into grandchildren's adulthood.

Sara M. Moorman, an assistant professor in the Department of Sociology and the Institute on Aging at Boston College, who will present the study at the 108th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association, said that they found that an emotionally close grandparent-adult grandchild relationship was associated with fewer symptoms of depression for both generations.

She said that the greater emotional support grandparents and adult grandchildren received from one another, the better their psychological health.

The study also revealed that giving tangible support to or receiving it from their grandchildren affected the psychological well-being of grandparents but not grandchildren.

Tangible support, also called functional solidarity or instrumental support, includes anything from rides to the store and money to assistance with household chores and advice.

Moorman, who co-authored the study with Jeffrey E. Stokes, a PhD candidate in sociology at Boston College, said hat grandparents who experienced the sharpest increases in depressive symptoms over time received tangible support, but did not give it.

She asserted that there is a saying that it's better to give than to receive.

Moorman said that their results support that folk wisdom — if a grandparent gets help, but can't give it, he or she feels badly.

She explained that the grandparents expect to be able to help their grandchildren, even when their grandchildren are grown, and it's frustrating and depressing for them to instead be dependent on their grandchildren.

In their study, the researchers used data from the Longitudinal Study of Generations, a survey of 3- and 4-generation U.S. families that included seven waves of data collection between 1985 and 2004.

The sample was comprised of 376 grandparents and 340 grandchildren. The average grandparent was born in 1917 and the average grandchild in 1963, making them 77 years old and 31 years old, respectively, at the midpoint of the study in 1994.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

3 Ways that Technology Interrupts our Minds

backpack


There are few teens at this point who are not constantly texting and connected to Facebook or other social media. As wonderful as technology has been by bringing information to us within seconds, it has also impeded our ability to think without interruptions and to fully utilize our mental abilities. With the new school year right around the corner, here are some ideas to consider.
1. Smart phones, iPads and computers prevent anyone from working their minds for longer than 30 seconds to remember anything.
How long does a teenager think to recall a famous person’s name or the name of a movie before “looking it up” aka “googling it”? How long do you wait to remember something before looking it up on your phone or online? 30 seconds? Barely! I am guilty of this myself.
We are not exercising our ability to recall information and to strengthen our memories. The more we work to access information, the better. Think of your mind as a muscle that needs to be worked. We want our children to grow into strong minded adults, not adults with minds that have become lazy and unable to recall information without the help of a device.
2. Technology interrupts complete or full thoughts.
The last time you had a profound thought that promoted your growth or increased your understanding, what were you doing at that moment? Were you sitting in front of your TV with your lap top on the couch and your smart phone in your hand while you were checking Facebook? I doubt it.
Likewise, while children or teens are attempting to learn school material like math, science, or social studies, those types of distractions do not allow for deeper understandings of the material. Our minds are amazing; they are the source of our creativity, motivation, and understandings of the world. However, our minds need time to create thoughts and make connections.
Our minds needs time to create memories without interruption from a text or Facebook post. The information needs to sink in so that we have the opportunity to reflect on it in a meaningful way.
3. Technology creates a high need for stimulation.
Cell phones and the internet definitely did not create the classic expression “this is boring”, but it has decreased our interest in consuming less stimulating information. Young people who have been exposed to the internet and cell phones for their entire lives have adapted to receiving information with fast talking, quickly moving screens, and bright colors. I believe that it makes it harder for young people to have the ability to be interested in reading an entire book, or absorbing information that is dry.
Unfortunately, not all valuable information is delivered in visually stimulating and attention-grabbing ways. Most of the information we should learn and understand regarding the world, our country, and other important topics are not perceived as fun or exciting and therefore may be skipped over or ignored.
Technology has helped to improve our society in numerous ways and created personal conveniences, but we should be intelligent consumers. Is the Facebook post or text message you are about to read at any moment worth the cost of interrupting your thinking or learning? We should be benefiting from technology without compromising our own mental potential. After all, the next thought you have may change your life. And for our young people, we should allow them the opportunity to have thoughts of their own, uninterrupted.

 

 

 


Thursday, August 15, 2013

4 Tips To Change the Way You Deal with Stress

4 Tips To Change the Way You Deal with Stress 
Dr. James C. Dobson once said “there are very few certainties that touch us all in this mortal experience, but one of the absolutes is that we will experience hardship and stress at some point.” Stress may be inevitable, but how we handle it is our choice.


4 Tips To Change the Way You Deal with Stress

By Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP

Stress is different for all individuals, so there is no “cookie cutter” solution to manage it. You may have to experiment to find what works best for you. Finding healthy, positive ways to deal with stress will add to your overall well-being.
When dealing with stressful situations, consider the four points below. They may aid in decreasing the amount of stress and changing the way you view it.
  1. Nothing and no one can “make” you feel anything. How you feel and the way you deal with a situation is a choice. I’m reminded of a counselor who would often state “no one can drive your car unless you give them the keys.” You cannot control others’ actions, but you can be responsible for your reactions. The serenity prayer states “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” When applied, this can be a great stress reliever. Look at the situation and ask yourself “is this something I can change?” If so, start exploring positive ways to change the situation.
    If the situation cannot be changed, such as an illness or the economy, accept it for what it is. Accepting does not mean giving up. By accepting the situation and finding ways you can cope with what cannot be changed, stress can be drastically reduced.
  2. Exchange attitude for gratitude. Our attitude has a profound effect on how we deal with situations. Negative attitudes affect our physical, spiritual, and mental wellbeing. When in a particularly stressful situation, try exchanging attitude for gratitude. When you are running late for a meeting because you are stuck in traffic, change your attitude. Instead of being frustrated about the traffic, find some gratitude. Look around and think of all the things you can be thankful for. Sometimes you can find gratitude in the smallest things. You can be thankful for life, health, strength, friends, family, nature, etc. Focusing on gratitude can definitely change your attitude.
  3. Relax, relax, relax. Amidst the hustle and bustle of everyday life, sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. If we do not help ourselves, how can we effectively help others? Relaxation rejuvenates the body, mind, and spirit and leaves us better equipped to handle stressful situations when they come. Try to find something that you enjoy and do it every day. If you can set aside time for relaxation, do it. Try to set aside a designated, uninterrupted time and stick to it. Many people state they don’t have time to relax, but relaxation does not have to be time-consuming. Relaxation can include periodic 5-10 minute breaks of breathing exercises or watching your favorite show for 30 minutes. Relaxation can also include connecting with positive people.
  4. Look at the big picture. Evaluate your stressful situation from a “big picture” point of view. Ask yourself “how important is this?” and “will this matter in the long run?” If the answer is no, it’s likely not worth your time and energy.
Stress does not have to be a part of life. Success stress management is all about learning how and when to take control. It’s important to remember that you control how stress affects you. You can control the stress or let stress control you.
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
- Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

President Obama Speaks at the National Conference on Mental Health

President Obama delivers remarks to open the National Conference on Mental Health at the White House, part of the Administration’s effort to launch a national conversation to increase understanding and awareness about mental health.


Friday, May 10, 2013

Exercise and depression




From the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Exercise can reduce C-reactive protein, or CRP, a marker of inflammation. Higher levels of CRP can signal a higher risk of heart disease and other conditions like type 2 diabetes. But one study indicates people with symptoms of depression don’t reduce CRP through exercise.
At Duke Medicine, Edward Suarez compared CRP levels in people who were active or sedentary:
“The sedentaries that were depressed had the same levels of CRP as those who were active but yet depressed.”
But Suarez says being active does other good things, so people who are depressed should still be physically active.
The study in the journal Brain, Behavior and Immunity was supported by the National Institutes of Health.
Learn more at healthfinder.gov.
HHS HealthBeat is a production of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.


Thursday, April 18, 2013

Commit to Clicking Away from Internet Porn


 
Pornography is all over the Internet. Even when people aren’t looking for porn, they can still encounter it unexpectedly because it’s so prevalent online. Many people in our culture give into porn’s temptations and experience pain as a result, and Christians aren’t immune to the problem. In fact, statistics show that about one in three Christians – men and women alike – reports being addicted to pornography.
If you’re one of them, you may feel as if you simply can’t give up your porn habit. But you can, with God’s help, because God’s grace is always greater than your sin. Here’s how you can click away from Internet porn, for good:
Consider some reasons for giving up porn. You may get temporary pleasure from porn, but the pleasurable feelings will always fade. Then you can see the reality of how porn harms your life. Porn wrecks your view of sex because it presents sex in ways that don’t reflect how real people make love. Porn wrecks your view of people, causing you to see them as objects to consume rather than as sisters and brothers in Christ to love and serve. Porn is a sin against your spouse if you’re married. Porn enslaves you to an addiction, causing you to lust after more and more, but never giving you lasting fulfillment. Porn wastes your time, energy, and money. Porn use supports an industry that abuses people. Porn weakens your character and your relationship with God, drawing you deeper and deeper into sin.
Notice what triggers your porn use. Pay attention to what’s going on in your life when you turn to porn. Are you dealing with stress, fatigue, boredom, loneliness, rejection, or some other issue? What does porn seem to provide for you: an escape, a reward, or a way to feel powerful or loved?
Replace porn’s hollow promises with God’s real promises. Face the reality that porn is a symptom of unbelief and idolatry, because by using porn you’re desiring sex more than you want a right relationship with God. Compare what porn offers to what God offers you. Porn makes you feel accepted and appreciated, since the people in it appear to do whatever you want to fulfill your fantasies. But God offers real love that gives you true acceptance and appreciation – unconditionally and for free. Porn seems to provide a safe alternative to intimacy, with people showing you what’s normally private. But God will bless you with real, loving relationships when you take the risks necessary to develop them. Porn may give you a temporary sense of refuge. But God alone can give you the lasting peace you need. Porn promises to reward you but disappoints when pleasurable feelings go away. God, however, is the source of all joy. Porn may make you think you’re getting revenge on someone for not giving you the sex you want. But God wants to free you from being enslaved to a desire for sex and help you find something greater: the joy of knowing Him. Choose to embrace God’s true promises instead of porn’s false promises.
Confess and repent. Confess the sin of your porn use to God, and repent from it by turning away from a focus on yourself and toward a focus on worshiping God. Realize that by doing so, you’re not denying yourself pleasure – you’re fighting the temporary pleasure of porn with the lasting and greater pleasure of a right relationship with God that will bring you joy.
Replace a vicious cycle with a virtuous cycle. Pray for God to help you replace your desire for porn with a stronger desire to be holy. Stop fueling the vicious cycle of porn addiction by refusing to give into the temptation to use porn, and keep in mind that every time you resist temptation, you weaken its power over you. Begin a virtuous cycle of sexual purity by filling your mind with thoughts about God rather than porn, which you can do by making spiritual disciplines like Bible reading and prayer a habit.
Cope with your porn triggers in healthier ways. Now that you’ve already identified what triggers you to turn to porn and have committed to breaking your porn habit, it’s time to respond to your porn triggers with other activities that can help you rather than harming you. If you’ve been using porn when you’re stressed or tired, arrange your schedule so you can get more sleep and rest. If you’ve been using porn for a physical release, start to exercise regularly instead. If you’ve been turning to porn to deal with boredom, add some healthy adventure to your life, such as by working on a service project, traveling to a place you’d like to explore, or taking a class to learn a new skill.
Enlist others to support you and hold you accountable. Meet regularly with some fellow Christians you trust for support and accountability while you’re healing from your porn habit and trying to establish healthy habits. Honestly confess the ways you’ve been struggling, and set goals to grow closer to God in specific ways.
Look beyond the ugliness of porn to see the beauty of a holy life. Ask God to give you a vision of what He wants your life to look like, and use that knowledge to motivate you to resist sin like porn use that can mess up God’s great plans for you. Read the Bible often to keep God’s visions of beauty, sex, marriage, and singleness in mind. Remember that God values inner beauty more than outer beauty, He created sex as a good way for married couples to unite in covenant love, and singleness is just as much of a gift from God as marriage because it offers unique opportunities to grow and serve. Choose to reject the false glory that porn tempts you with and instead embrace holiness to reflect more of God’s real glory. Keep in mind that you’re not really what porn may try to make you think you are – an animal, a pervert, an addict, a victim, or a fool – but you truly are a beloved person who God made in His image, who can reflect His glory in the world.



Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The ‘Grass Is Greener’ Syndrome

 grass_fence







How many times have we heard the cliche, “The grass is always greener on the other side?” While the overuse of this phrase has mostly dulled its impact, people who experience the “grass is greener syndrome” endure a significant struggle with commitment.
What causes this issue?
The hallmark of the “grass is greener syndrome” is the idea that there is always something better that we are missing. So rather than experiencing stability, security, and satisfaction in the present environment, the feeling is there is more and better elsewhere, and anything less than ideal won’t do. Whether it’s with relationships, careers, or where you live, there is always one foot out the door.

The problem with this is the greener grass is usually based on fantasy and fear. The fear comes from several possibilities, including fear of being trapped in commitment, fear of boredom, fear of loss of individuality, and fear of oppression.
Along with these fears comes the issue of compromise. In people who fear commitment, comprising certain desires, needs, and values for the sake of the unity can feel like oppressive sacrifice. When this happens, the perception is that there is something else out there that will allow us to have all that we crave, want, and value, and that it will happen on our terms.
This is where the element of fantasy comes in, and with the fantasy comes projection. We’re going to want what we don’t have, and there’s a fantasy that we’ll get what we don’t have, and that the parts that we’re currently happy with won’t be sacrificed in this change. However, what ends up happening is that after the “honeymoon phase” of making the change, we find ourselves wanting to flip to the other side of the fence again because we discover that there are other things that we don’t have, and because the novelty of the change wears off. It ends up being true, that we always want what we don’t have, even if we’ve already jumped the fence several times.
This is where projection comes in. When the grass is greener on the other side, we’re usually (if not always) placing personal unhappiness with ourselves onto something outside of us — generally a partner, career, living environment, etc. We rely on polishing our external environment to soothe a deeper internal dissatisfaction. Though the environment changes when jumping the fence, after a brief internal high, without constant stimulation and newness, the dissatisfaction becomes the same.
I think the cliche should be changed to this: “The grass is only as green as we keep it.”
The grass always starts out a nice and shiny green (‘honeymoon phase’), but will begin to wear a bit with use. Then, it still needs to be maintained in order to stay a nice shade of green. The dulled green (or even brown) grass on our current side of the fence would be greener if we nurture it. The shiny green grass on the other side of the fence is our wish for our internal selves — to be happy, unscathed, and fully satisfied.
The truth is, as human beings, we are all in some ways less than perfect, and therefore, the shiny grass is an illusion. Our job is to keep the grass as green as possible, which may take some outside help. But no matter what, it won’t remain as green as the moment we first set foot on it.
I must insert that there are certainly situations where another situation is a better situation than the current one (for example, a healthy relationship versus an abusive one; a job that’s more fulfilling to you versus an unfulfilling job). But the “grass is greener syndrome” has its own particular presentation, primarily rooted in patterns:
• Repetition. A pattern in your life of constantly wanting better and repeatedly seeking change in relationships, jobs, environment.
• Perfection. It’s one thing to go from an abusive relationship to a positively-functioning relationship, but it’s another to feel that a string of functioning relationships are never good enough. There may be a search for the fantasized ideal taking place.
• Wanting to have and eat your cake. This is in line with the struggle of compromise. If you must have every want and perceived need that stimulates you, then it’s likely that the grass will never be green enough unless you’re the only one on the grass — and even then, it won’t be green enough because of what may be missing from this picture.
• Wanting to run away. If you see a pattern of being unable to settle in one geographic place, relationship, job, etc., there are deeper reasons for this than just not being in the “right” environment.
• Ultimate dissatisfaction. If you enjoy constant change, and living out this sort of life, then there’s technically nothing wrong with this. But if the reason for the constant change comes from repetition of dissatisfaction, and if you’re looking to become more secure, stable, and settled, then this is an issue to look into.
The best way to deal with the “grass is greener syndrome” is to learn the underlying reasons beyond the abstract ideas of idealizations, perfectionism, and the inability to commit. Psychotherapy is a good way to facilitate this process. The other piece is learning how to nurture and increase connection to what’s current so the relationships maintain and strengthen rather than become unsatisfying. The idea is to build an internal place of stability, rather than jumping around in your external life to compensate for a lack of internal stability.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

How to Use Your Pain to Fulfill Your Potential


  • Choose to feel your pain so you can understand what it means. Pain is actually a valuable signal alerting you to something that’s wrong in your life. But you’ll miss out on the information God wants to give you through the pain that He allows into your life if you avoid dealing with your pain directly. Pray for the courage you need to face your pain head-on and feel it fully; that’s the only way you can truly heal and grow from it. Decide that you’ll no longer just suffer chronic, purposeless pain that doesn’t lead to transformation in your life and only hurts you. Instead, choose to turn whatever pain enters your life into productive action that leads to healing and spiritual growth.
     
  • Find your melody line. In music, a melody line is the part of a song that listeners most remember, because it communicates the essence of the song and connects emotionally with listeners. In your life, you can discover your own melody line – a big idea that taps into your deepest values and aspirations. Turn down the noise level in your life by spending time in silence and solitude regularly to think and pray. Sort through all the many ideas you encounter in daily life, seeking to discover what’re uniquely meant to focus on and pursue. Actively listen to whatever messages God may want to communicate to you, which will point you toward the melody line emerging from your soul.
     
  • Question your condition. Take an honest look at every part of your life and consider how you’re feeling discontent and what unfulfilled longings are rattling around inside your soul. What more do you want to be, do, have, and give in life? Let your longings awaken you to the fact that the potential for a better life exists. Decide to do your best from now on to create a life that truly reflects what you believe is possible.
     
  • Unmask your painkillers. Stop trying to kill your pain through whatever means you may be using for that purpose: romance novels, extreme sports, video games, substances, busyness, shopping, success, church, money, work, sex, TV, or something else. Realize that God speaks through your pain, and by using painkillers, you’re interfering with the communication process between God and yourself. With painkillers in your life, you can only have a transactional relationship with God – not the transformational relationship that He intends for you to have with Him. Shift your focus away from amusement (which will only distract or divert you from your potential) and toward prayerful reflection. Allow yourself to feel the full weight of your pain – as uncomfortable as that may make you – so that you can start to understand what it means in your life. Freely pour out your painful thoughts and feelings to God in writing, since doing so will help you clarify what you’re thinking and feeling. Don’t be afraid of judgment, since God loves you unconditionally.
     
  • Explore your wounds. Ask God to show you how you’re sabotaging His dreams for you and limiting your potential in life because of how you’re reacting to the pain in your life. Stop blaming God and other people for your problems and realize that you do have the power to make choices that will change your life for the better. Rather than being a victim who believes that the world happens to you, decide to be a victor who believes that you happen to the world – which is exactly what you can be, when you invite God to work through you every day.
     
  • Overcome your excuses. Identify and eliminate the self-limiting beliefs that are preventing you from making progress with healing and reaching your God-given potential in life. Ask God to give you the courage you need to take whatever risks He calls you to take, so you can keep moving forward.
     
  • Embody your healing. Since your energy flows wherever you focus your thoughts, choose to think about faith much more often than you do about fear. Pray for the Holy Spirit to renew your mind every day, and whenever a fearful thought enters your mind, replace it with a thought that reflects biblical truth, such as scriptures that describe God’s promises to you.
     
  • Discover your passion. Cooperate with God to create your new life by discovering what you’re passionate about, and how you can best pursue that passion to contribute to the world. Don’t delay; make full use of the gift of each day that God gives you.
     
  • Author your opus. Your opus is a written statement that helps you clarify who you are and what you should do in life to best fulfill God’s purposes for you. Your opus should include: your big dream for your work, the purpose of your work, the strategies necessary for you to achieve your goals, and the ways you intend to measure your progress to determine whether or not you’re hitting your target. While writing it, keep in mind: your worldview (what you believe), your identity (who you are), your principles (what you value), your passion (what you love), your purpose (why you live and work), and your process (how you will do so).